I was at work today thinking about how much I didn't really want to be there, and how I'd much rather be home. I remember what it used to be like when I was still in highschool when I got the internet for the first time and started meeting all kinds of new friends online and could talk to them all day. The more I thought about it, the more alone I began to feel.

I used to have a load of people on my contact list. It really started to fill up when I put my art online. People wanted to talk to me cuz they liked my art and by extension, I guess they thought they'd like me too. Now, I'm not even remotely trying to say I'm some famous artist or anything, but I got a lot of attention for my art, and a lot of fans as well. Before that, I only ever made one friend in school. Yeah, just one. I've always been that guy in the corner, talking to no one but himself because he has no friends, so having over thirty people want to talk to me got to be a bit overwhelming. As a result, I began to push people away by being kind of snotty and rude, picking on poor grammar skills and hell, anything else I could to get people to stop talking to me.

In the end, I pushed a lot of people away I wish I hadn't, because now, once again, I have very few people to talk to, who more or less just put up with me. I find myself being as nice as possible, clinging to the hope that my friends won't get tired of me.

Now, this isn't really so much a problem online as it is in person. It's a rare occasion that I ever get one of my friends from work or whatever to actually come over and chill at my house. Heck I have a neighbor two houses down that won't come over here EVER but that's fine I guess. Point is, being alone really sucks, but I've almost grown into it and as a result, I don't really ever have anything to say to other people if I do get into a conversation, which makes it that much more harder to keep a friendship going. I mean, nobody likes talking to a brick wall right? Ugh.

Well anyway, I don't know where I'm really going with this. I guess I just wanted to vent. I've been lost in my thoughts for a long while now and my art has actually suffered because of it, as I'm sure you've noticed by the lack of new pictures. I can't really force it either, I've tried and it just ends up making things worse so I guess until I can get the things in my head sorted out, I don't think there'll be much to see here for a while. It makes me sad too, because I really want to draw and have cool pictures up, and work on my comic but I just can't get motivated to do it.